To Eat or Not to Eat?...That is the Question...

I was thoroughly enjoying a piece of warm apple pie last night in bed (doesn’t that sound decadent?) while watching “Dancing with the Stars.” I ate it slowly savoring how the buttery crust and syrupy fruit combined in my mouth. I felt lucky to have such a treat and relished how good it tasted. After I finished the last gooey bite I felt very satisfied and since it was so delicious I really wanted some more. Then I reflected on how that second dessert wouldn’t be nearly as fulfilling as the first since I was getting a bit full and I reminded myself I could always have another piece tomorrow. With that decided I got up and brushed my teeth, got back in bed and finished the “quick step” with the Stars. This must sound like a fairly mundane internal dialogue but to me it feels only slightly short of miraculous.

I have been an emotional over-eater pretty much all my life and as those who share my affliction know...it is a nightmare. I would say that starting about 10 years ago I slowly started conquering this aspect of my relationship with food. It has been a hard-fought battle but I am now getting to a place where I control food and it doesn’t control me. Notice I didn’t say “over control” food…I still eat a variety of foods (including junk food) and sometimes I eat too much and sometimes too little…that’s just normal.

First, let’s define emotional eating; this is when we reach for food as a way to distract from certain uncomfortable feelings, soothe ourselves, or even to celebrate or reward ourselves. We use our emotions as cues to trigger eating rather than legitimate hunger.
Does this sound familiar?

I want to share some of the things I’ve learned along the way to help those of you who may still be slogging in the trenches of emotional eating. One of the best ways I can do this is by “replaying” the pie incident that occurred last night, but tell it as it would have played-out in the past when emotional eating was my bedmate.

There would have been a debate murmuring in the back of my mind much of the evening discussing whether I should have pie or not…and when I eventually gave in I would have felt like I was doing something shameful or wrong. As I was serving up the pie I would make my piece extra big…because I would have felt like I had already crossed the line so might as well go all the way. I would likely have eaten the pie much faster and less mindfully and when I did touch on my thoughts they would be incriminating and lecturing. Just as the last bite was finished I would have been awash with guilt about what I had just done and likely I would have returned for more because, “might as well I already messed up.” Then I would vow to myself that I would do better tomorrow. Of course…tomorrow looked just like the rest of the days because I would wake up feeling like I needed to pay some sort of penance. So, I would get back in good graces by slightly restricting my food intake….which would likely lead to preoccupation with food and eventually I would give in and overeat. The cycle continues…

When you read through the above paragraph you can see that feelings of guilt and self abasement are the cornerstone for emotional eating….as opposed to normal eating where the cornerstones are healthy desire and physiological appetite. The primary thing I did to free myself from emotional eating is give myself permission to eat without reproach. I realized that a normal eater eats a variety of foods, sometimes too much and sometimes too little…that is just life. I also became mindful of what I was eating and why. I really ask myself… “What am I hungry for?” and I usually am very mindful of how I am feeling before, during and after I eat in terms of my fullness level. Another important aspect of emotional eating is the self perpetuating cycle:

Under eating >>> Food preoccupation>>> Over eating>>> Guilt

Around and around it goes…one leading to the other and back again. It is important to attack the cycle at a number of points. The first is…never intentionally under eat, it will always lead you to the next stages in the cycle. You may be able to grit it out and not over eat for awhile but eventually it will come. The other point is to “take your thoughts captive” after you have over eaten or engaged in emotional eating. Do not start berating yourself but be compassionate. Talk to yourself as you would a beloved friend. If you vow to do these two things it really takes the wind out of the sail of emotional eating.

And finally…make sure that you are taking time to ponder your thoughts and feelings so that you do not have to act-out your feelings/thoughts through food but can deal with things directly. Do a daily self-check…I call it the “internal and external check-in.”

The internal check-in explores how you are feeling physically and emotionally. Ask yourself questions like the following:

How am I feeling in terms of my physical health and body today? Any headaches, fatigue, PMS, injuries or pain?...to name a few examples

How am I feeling emotionally? Am I feeling a bit blue, anxious, uncomfortable, preoccupied or avoidant?

What are my thoughts like? Am I dwelling on supportive and compassionate things? Am I being self critical and mean?

The external check-in has to do with what is going on in your environment…ask yourself questions like the following:

How has my self care been?

Am I overscheduled or under scheduled?

Is there anything I am dreading or avoiding?

Are my surroundings safe and comfortable?

Am I plugged in, in terms of my spiritual, social and family life?


If you come across any area that is problematic then address it directly. If there is a project you are procrastinating then go directly to it and not food as a way to avoid. If you are feeling socially disconnected then start making plans of how to directly address this issue by calling/emailing friends, set up a coffee date or address the underlying issues that caused the disconnect rather than find company in food. You get the idea…be bold and confrontative with what ails you rather than passive-aggressive toward yourself with the weapon of choice…a fork!

This only scratches the surface on emotional eating and likely I will return to this topic but I wanted to put this out there since it is an area that is near and dear to my heart or should I say waistline!

All for now…Lisa